The Convenient Fiction of the "Good Gay"

In light of my most recent essay, I thought to visit this series of articles if only to make the point that “When We Police Ourselves,” though written from the lens of “from trans people to trans people,” the framework put together in it applies to the broader LGBTQIA+ community. This is what respectability politics looks like when we (trans folks) are the out-group. Between this being fresh in my mind, and the fact that the author, James Bessinger, spent five articles and received quite a bit of traffic and response, I felt that it was not a bad idea to address the author and their series with a little more facts and a little more context.

Well folks, it seems we have stumbled upon yet another installment in the grand tradition of "I got mine, so screw everyone else" literature. The Carolina Courier has blessed us with a five part magnum opus about how the real gays (you know, the respectable ones who wear khakis to brunch) are simply devastated that Pride parades are not the Norman Rockwell paintings they believe they used to be.[1]

Let me get this straight (pun absolutely intended): The author, James Bessinger, wants us to believe that there was a golden age of Pride where everyone marched in business casual, politely asking for basic human rights with the decorum of a church bake sale. According to them, Pride was once about proving gay people were "normal" and could be "your doctors, your teachers, your police officers."[1] Apparently, someone forgot to tell them about the Stonewall riots, where Marsha P. Johnson (a Black trans woman, for those keeping score at home) did not politely request equality while wearing sensible shoes.[2]

Who is the Author?

James Tyler Bessinger (37) is a South Carolina native who describes himself as openly gay, a former U.S. Army Paralegal, and an ex-Democrat. He publishes The Carolina Courier, a Charleston-based Substack publication that delivers what he calls "independent political, cultural, and social commentary."

Political Evolution

His self-description as an "ex-Democrat" is particularly telling in the context of the "Ashamed of Pride" series. This political shift aligns perfectly with the respectability politics framework we discussed - someone who has moved rightward and now positions himself as one of the "good gays" who can critique the broader LGBTQ+ movement from within.

Platform and Reach

The Carolina Courier has "hundreds of subscribers" according to the platform description, and Bessinger has been publishing on Substack for approximately 4 years. His publication focuses on conservative and liberty-oriented commentary, particularly "fighting against Leftist" perspectives from South Carolina.

The Irony

What's particularly striking is that Bessinger embodies exactly what my essay "When We Police Ourselves" warns about: a gay man who has achieved a measure of acceptance and now uses his platform to police and critique those still fighting for basic rights. His military background and current political commentary position give him the veneer of respectability he leverages to distance himself from the "unreasonable" elements of the LGBTQ+ community.

His "ex-Democrat" status suggests he's part of that cohort who got marriage equality and then decided the movement had gone "too far." The fairweather gays who are comfortable throwing trans people under the bus for their own perceived safety and respectability.

The Mythology of Respectability Politics

Bessinger claims that the original Gay Rights Movement was "built by everyday men and women" who wanted nothing more than integrate and assimilate.[1] This is what we in the business call "selective memory disorder." The gay liberation movement was born from riots, led by drag queens, trans women, and sex workers who were decidedly not trying to prove they could be your friendly neighborhood accountant.[3]

But here is where it gets interesting: James laments that "young boys who might grow up to be happy, well adjusted Gay men are now being told they must be girls."[1] This particular bit of pearl clutching reveals the core of their argument: transmisia dressed up as concern for children. It is the same playbook we have seen before, just with a rainbow coat of paint slapped on top.

The Recycled Playbook: A Historical Déjà Vu

Let us be crystal clear about what we are witnessing here. This is not new. This is literally - and I mean literally - the exact same moral panic playbook used against gay people, just with the targets updated for a new generation:

Then: "Homosexuals are recruiting your children"
Now: "Trans people are transing your children through social contagion"

Then: "Gay teachers will corrupt students"
Now: "Trans teachers are grooming students"

Then: "Gay people are mentally ill perverts"
Now: "Trans people are mentally ill fetishists"

Then: "Protect children from homosexual propaganda"
Now: "Protect children from gender ideology"

Then: "They are coming for your children in schools"
Now: "They are coming for your children in schools" (Some things never change)

The only difference? Some gay people got comfortable enough to forget what it felt like to be on the receiving end. This is what respectability politics looks like when trans folks become the new outgroup - the formerly oppressed adopting the language and tactics of their oppressors, becoming what I call "enforcers of their own oppression." [4]

Bessinger in His Own Words

But wait - we do not have to speculate about what Bessinger believes. In a YouTube video titled "Stop Trans-ing the Children," he says the quiet parts out loud. Watch how quickly his "reasonable concerns" transform into explicit transmisia:

"I've never understood why the T is on there," he declares about the LGBTQ acronym, before explaining that being gay is about sexuality while being trans is... something else entirely, apparently.[14] This from a man who benefits from decades of trans activism, who stands on ground cleared by trans women of color at Stonewall, who has the audacity to question why the people who started the movement belong in it.

But it gets worse. Bessinger literally argues that "if every little girl who shows an affinity for Tonka trucks or playing in the dirt is suddenly going to have her tits chopped off" and "every little boy who enjoys putting on his mom's chapstick... maybe he's a little girl now," then "there's no room for gay people anymore."[14]

Let that sink in. He is arguing that trans people existing somehow erases gay people. That supporting trans youth means gay kids disappear. This is not just ignorance, it is weaponized nostalgia for a world where he was the marginalized one who mattered most.

His personal anecdote is particularly revealing: "I grew up playing dress-up and dolls with girls... if that were to happen today, there's a very strong possibility that people would be telling my parents that I needed to be transitioned."[14] This is the "I survived without help so no one needs help" school of thought. It is saying "I was a feminine boy who turned out gay, therefore all feminine boys are just gay, not trans."

So because he was not trans, no one else can be either?

The "Save the Children" Shuffle

Ah, the timeless classic: "Think of the children!" Bessinger expresses horror at the idea of "drag performers gyrating in front of children"[1] and teachers who dare to exist as trans people in classrooms. They invoke the specter of "Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria," that thoroughly debunked concept that suggests being trans is somehow contagious.

Let us talk about ROGD for a moment, yes? This "diagnosis" comes from a single study by Lisa Littman that was so methodologically flawed it has been redacted, corrected, and still being proven wrong at every turn. It would be funny if it were not being used to deny healthcare to vulnerable youth. Littman recruited her participants from online echo chambers of parents who already believed their children had been "transed" by social contagion, websites like "4thWaveNow" and "Transgender Trend." This is like studying vaccine safety by only surveying anti-vaxxer Facebook groups.[5]

The study engaged in what researchers call "questionable research practices" - selectively reporting data that supported the hypothesis while omitting questions that did not. It pathologized completely normal adolescent behaviors like finding community online or rehearsing coming out conversations as signs of "social contagion." The WPATH Standards of Care, which actually bases its guidelines on decades of peer-reviewed research, supports a careful, stepwise approach to transition - the exact opposite of the "reckless doctors" narrative Littman's work promotes.[6]

But Bessinger does not mention any of this. They simply repeat "child mutilation" like an incantation, hoping repetition will make it true.[1] Never mind that medical care for trans youth follows strict guidelines developed by major medical associations including the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Endocrine Society.[7] Never mind that every major psychological and psychiatric association has rejected ROGD as lacking any empirical basis.[8]

The Curious Case of the Disappearing History

What fascinates me most about this series is its complete erasure of queer history. Bessinger wants us to believe that Pride was once a dignified affair where respectable homosexuals marched for the right to file joint tax returns. They conveniently forget that the first Pride was a riot commemoration. They forget that trans people, drag queens, and leather daddies were not late additions to the party; they were the ones who threw it in the first place.[9]

Bessinger claims that the Pride flag "once symbolized simple acceptance" but now flies over "displays of nudity, fetish gear, and trans propaganda."[1] Setting aside the delightful phrase "trans propaganda" (is it propaganda when people simply exist?), this betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of what Pride has always been: a celebration of sexual and gender diversity in all its forms, not just the forms that make straight people comfortable.

The Great Acronym Anxiety

In Part 5, we learn that Bessinger believes the LGBTQIA+ acronym has become "unwieldy and fragmented"[10], diluting the "original meaning and purpose of the movement." This is like complaining that a family reunion got too big because cousins you forgot about showed up. The movement was never just about cisgender gay men and lesbians; it was about all of us who exist outside heteronormative expectations.[11]

They advocate for "reclaiming their identity and spaces, separating from the broader LGBTQIA+ umbrella."[10] In other words, they want to pull up the ladder behind them. "We got marriage equality," they seem to say, "so why should we care about trans healthcare or nonbinary recognition?"

The Politics of Division

Here is what really grinds my gears about this whole enterprise: It is divide and conquer 101. The same folks who fought against gay marriage, who said gay people were pedophiles, who wanted to keep us out of the military and the classroom, have found a new strategy. They whisper sweet nothings to cisgender gays and lesbians: "You are the good ones. It is those trans people who are the problem."[12]

And some people are buying it. They are so desperate to be seen as "normal" that they will throw their trans siblings under the bus faster than you can say "respectability politics."

A Letter to the "Traditional" Gays Like James

Dear James,

You say you are "not hateful" but "heartbroken."[1] Let me tell you what is truly heartbreaking: watching people who benefited from decades of radical activism turn around and slam the door on those still fighting. It is heartbreaking to see you repeat the exact same talking points that were used against you not twenty years ago.

You speak for many, James, so let me speak to all of you through you.

You claim you "don't have a problem with the Trans community on its face."[14] But then you spend an entire video; your face, your voice, your words, explaining why trans children should be denied healthcare, why trans people do not belong in "your" movement, why feminine boys are being "transed" out of existence.

You were not always the respectable neighbor you claim to be. You were the deviant, the pervert, the threat to children. Every single accusation you now level at trans people was once aimed at you.[13] The only difference is that you have become comfortable enough to forget; or worse, you remember all too well and now you make a scapegoat of trans folks out of your own fear of self-preservation.

When you say "these people talk out both sides of their neck all the time,"[14] I wonder if you hear the irony. You claim to oppose the gender binary while insisting feminine boys must be boys, as opposed to understanding that many feminine boys are cisgender while some are transgender, and that is ok. It is ok to be gay, and it is ok to be trans.

You claim to support freedom while demanding trans kids be denied care. You claim to be part of a liberation movement while actively trying to narrow who gets liberated. You profess to deny the gender binary while advocating to reinforce it in the same breath.

The Inconvenient Truth

The inconvenient truth is this: There is no "traditional" gay or lesbian identity that exists separate from the broader community of queer liberation. Bessinger wants to return to a past that never existed, a sanitized version of gay rights that excludes anyone too weird, too loud, or too trans.

But here is the thing about liberation movements: they do not work that way. You cannot fight for your own freedom while denying it to others. You cannot demand acceptance while perpetuating the same systems of oppression that kept you down.

Bessinger ends by telling gay and lesbian people who are "tired of the madness" that it is "okay to walk away."[1] But walk away to what? To a world where you are the "good gay" until you are not? To a society that will pat you on the head for being "one of the good ones" until they decide you are not good enough?

When Bessinger ends his video asking "why are we doing this to kids?"[14] the answer is simple: We are not "doing" anything to kids except allowing them to exist as themselves. The only one trying to "do" something to kids is Bessinger; trying to deny them healthcare, support, and recognition they deserve because their truth threatens his comfortable position as the "good gay."

Because it is feels a lot more comfortable to live when the target is not painted on your back.

The Real Pride

Real Pride has never been about being palatable. It has been about being unapologetically ourselves in a world that tells us we should not exist. It has been about fighting not just for tolerance but for celebration, not just for acceptance but for liberation.

So no, traditional gays and lesbians are not "reclaiming" anything. They are abandoning ship just when the voyage gets difficult. They are choosing comfort over solidarity, assimilation over authenticity. To press down on the necks of their own with boots worn out of fear that those same boots will be pressed on their own necks once more.

And that, dear readers, is the most shameful thing about this whole "Ashamed of Pride" series.

Citations:

[1] Bessinger, J. (2024). Ashamed of Pride: Why Traditional Gays and Lesbians Want Nothing To Do With "The Community". Carolina Courier Substack.

[2] Duberman, M. (1993). Stonewall. Dutton.

[3] Feinberg, L. (1996). Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to Dennis Rodman. Beacon Press.

[4] PITT. (2025). When We Police Ourselves: The Cruelest Cut. People with Inconvenient Truths about Transphobes.

[5] Restar, A. J. (2020). Methodological critique of Littman's (2018) parental-respondents accounts of "rapid-onset gender dysphoria". Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(1), 61-66.

[6] Coleman, E., et al. (2022). Standards of Care for the Health of Transgender and Gender Diverse People, Version 8. International Journal of Transgender Health, 23(S1), S1-S259.

[7] Rafferty, J., et al. (2018). Ensuring comprehensive care and support for transgender and gender-diverse children and adolescents. Pediatrics, 142(4), e20182162.

[8] Coalition for the Advancement & Application of Psychological Science. (2021). CAAPS Position Statement on Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria. See 7 above.

[9] See 2 above.

[10] Bessinger, J. (2024). Restoring The Rainbow: Gays And Lesbians Are Embracing The Post LGBTQIA+ World. Carolina Courier Substack.

[11] See 3 above.

[12] Ward, J. (2008). Respectably Queer: Diversity Culture in LGBT Activist Organizations. Vanderbilt University Press.

[13] Eskridge, W. N. (2008). Dishonorable Passions: Sodomy Laws in America, 1861-2003. Viking.

[14] Bessinger, J. (2024). Stop Trans-ing the Children [Video]. YouTube.