Local Parents Hold Press Conference to Announce They Are Actually the Oppressed Ones

SUBURBIA, USA1 — In what organizers called a "historic moment for parental rights," a group of parents held a press conference yesterday to formally declare themselves an oppressed minority class and demand official persecution recognition after their adult children stopped returning their calls.

The Parents with Inconvenient Truths about Trans (PITT) gathered at the Marriott conference room they rented for $89.99 to announce their persecution status, complete with a PowerPoint presentation and complimentary coffee service.

"We have been around since the beginning of civilization," declared the group's spokesperson, reading from prepared remarks. "Now they want to erase us. Our rights are being stripped away; our voices silenced."

The erasure, sources confirm, consists primarily of their adult children blocking them on Facebook and declining to attend family gatherings.

Flag Committee Presents Initial Designs

The press conference's highlight came when the newly-formed flag committee unveiled their preliminary designs, projected onto a slightly wrinkled bedsheet hung behind the podium.

"Maybe we need a flag," committee chair Silently Screaming told reporters, apparently unaware that flags typically represent communities facing actual legal discrimination rather than hurt feelings.

Susan Z, the committee's artistic director, presented the leading design: "Our flag should have a plain greyish background with a large broken heart." The design received enthusiastic applause from the dozen attendees.

However, GenderRealistMom pushed back during the Q&A session. "I'd rather have something bad ass, that conveys strength. Perhaps a flag with 'T' symbol—not transgender or testosterone, but T for truth, the formal symbol in logic."

The philosophical disagreement led to what witnesses described as a "spirited discussion" about whether their oppression was better represented by sadness or strength, ultimately tabled until next Tuesday's Zoom meeting.

Taking Back the Alphabet

LovingMother announced the group's ambitious plan to reclaim the letter T itself. "Taking back the truth about 'trans'" emerged as their rallying cry, though reporters struggled to understand what exactly they were taking it back from, or when they had possessed it initially.

"We need to take back all language," LovingMother explained to the confused press corps. "T is for taking back the truth—and the fact that 'Transgender' begins with that letter is a big deal."

When asked how one takes back a letter of the alphabet, LovingMother referred questions to the flag committee.

International Comparisons Drawn

Several speakers compared their situation to communist regimes, apparently unaware that actual oppressed people typically cannot rent hotel conference rooms to complain about their persecution.

"We have been replaced by the state," declared Adri Mans, gesturing dramatically toward the continental breakfast spread. "In all Communist countries is the same. Families are discouraged and babies belong to the State."

The state, in this case, appears to be their adult children's legal right to make independent medical decisions, a power that has existed since the concept of adulthood was invented.

Expert Commentary

Dr. Victoria, who identified herself as a persecution specialist, told reporters it was "not hyperbole to say [they are] a persecuted class at this juncture in history."

When pressed for examples of systematic discrimination, Dr. Victoria cited her son's refusal to discuss his medical decisions with her, which she characterized as "institutional silencing."

Joy North called for the group to "seek asylum against oppression," though she remained unclear about which country might accept refugees fleeing their adult children's autonomy.

Religious Intervention Sought

Amanda Fast attributed the family estrangements to supernatural forces, telling the press conference that "this false ideology and deception from Satan has been incubating since the beginning of time."

"We're praying our prodigals turn back to the Lord soon in repentance," Fast explained, apparently unaware that calling your children "prodigals" might contribute to their reluctance to visit.

Expert Analysis Reveals Shocking Pattern

Dr. Margaret Obvious, a family therapist who specializes in stating the blindingly apparent, explained the phenomenon to reporters.

"When parents spend years rejecting their children's identity and then wonder why those children distance themselves, we call this 'cause and effect,'" Dr. Obvious noted. "It's a basic principle that most people learn around age four, though some adults seem to have missed that developmental milestone."

The parents, however, reject this analysis, preferring to blame what one member called "this heinous trans cult" for their family problems. The cult, sources indicate, consists primarily of their own children living authentic lives and making independent medical decisions.

Children Respond

In a surprising turn, several of the parents' adult children agreed to speak with reporters via video call, their faces pixelated to protect their identities.

"My mom has spent nine years fighting who I am instead of loving who I am," said one 24-year-old, identified only as "Susan Z's Son." "She's now claiming she's oppressed because I won't subject myself to that anymore. The math isn't mathing."

Another child, speaking from what appeared to be a therapist's office, simply facepalmed when shown footage of the flag committee presentation. "They want a flag. They literally want a flag because I won't come to dinner. I cannot even."

A third respondent, "LovingMother's Daughter," was more direct: "My mom says the state replaced her. The state didn't replace her. Her conditional love replaced her unconditional love. I replaced her with peace."

Support Group Dynamics Emerge

The press conference revealed classic support group behaviors, including the sharing of increasingly elaborate victim narratives and mutual reinforcement of grievances.

"Adults can do whatever they want to their bodies is total BS," declared LovingMother, apparently forgetting that this principle also allows her to get cosmetic surgery, tattoos, and elective medical procedures without consulting her own parents.

Mom22 noted the irony of recent discussions about charging parents for their children's crimes: "All the responsibility with no rights. What a joke."

When a reporter pointed out that their adult children are not committing crimes by living authentically, Mom22 referred questions to the flag committee.

Moving Forward with Liberation

The group announced plans to continue their liberation movement through increased social media posting, flag design refinement, and potential parade planning.

René Estes told reporters, "I think we need to organize and parade around to make our voices heard," though city officials confirmed no parade permits have been filed.

The group remains confident that society will eventually recognize their oppressed status, despite facing no legal restrictions, employment discrimination, or systematic barriers to housing, healthcare, or civic participation.

Legal Expert Weighs In With Inconvenient Facts

Professor Janet Lawson from the Constitutional Law Center agreed to analyze the group's oppression claims using established legal frameworks, with some eye-opening comparisons to actual persecution.2

"To assess whether a group faces systematic oppression, we examine several key factors," Professor Lawson explained, consulting her notes. "Let's see how PITT measures up against, say, transgender people in the US and UK."

Legal Restrictions and Legislative Attacks: "PITT parents face zero legal restrictions. Meanwhile, transgender people are currently facing 83 anti-trans bills in the US in 2025 alone, with 134 bills targeting them specifically in Texas." Professor Lawson noted that 701 anti-trans bills were tracked in 2024, "more than any other year on record."

"These aren't hurt feelings bills—these are laws restricting healthcare access, bathroom use, sports participation, and even pronoun usage in schools," she continued. "PITT parents can use any bathroom they want and play any sport they qualify for. Funny how that works."

Healthcare Access: "PITT parents can see their doctors immediately. Transgender people in the UK face average waiting times of 18 months for their first appointment at gender identity clinics, despite the NHS standard being 18 weeks." "Some regions report waiting times exceeding 63 years—literally longer than a human lifespan."

"In the US, transgender people face 'multiple barriers and prejudices when accessing healthcare,' including outright denial of care and harassment." "PITT parents, by contrast, are upset their adult children won't discuss their medical decisions with them. That's not healthcare discrimination—that's called privacy."

Employment Discrimination: "Are PITT parents being fired for their parental status? For their anti-trans views? No evidence of that. Meanwhile, one in three UK employers admit they wouldn't hire a transgender person." "Transgender employees face documented workplace discrimination, harassment, and victimisation under employment law."

"PITT parents have jobs, disposable income for conference rooms, and the leisure time to design flags. Transgender people are fighting just to keep their jobs. The only time I have seen any suits brought forward against a parent like one of these for wrongful termination has never survived discovery by the courts. Why? Because the records consistently show that it was not the views of one of these parents as the reason they were fired, but the consistent violation of workplace rules, regulations, and their regular harassment of a very particular employee or employee group."

Housing Discrimination: "PITT parents own their homes and aren't being evicted for their beliefs. Transgender people face actual housing discrimination—around one in five LGBTQ+ private renters in the UK have experienced discrimination from landlords, with transgender individuals facing particularly severe challenges."

"One in four trans people in Britain has experienced homelessness at some point." "PITT parents are complaining from their suburban homes about their adult children not visiting. The contrast is rather stark."

Government Censorship: "This is where it gets truly absurd," Professor Lawson noted. "PITT claims their voices are being 'silenced,' yet they're publishing on Substack, holding press conferences, and planning parades. Meanwhile, the Trump administration has moved to 'reject transgender identity' at the federal level."

"Real censorship is when the UK Supreme Court rules that transgender women are excluded from the legal definition of woman, threatening their basic rights." "PITT parents face no government restrictions on their speech. Their adult children not wanting to hear it is called 'consequences,' not censorship."

Professor Lawson's final assessment: "On a scale of 1 to 10 for legal oppression, where 1 is 'my barista spelled my name wrong' and 10 is 'systematic persecution with legal consequences,' PITT scores approximately negative-2. They're so far from oppressed, they've achieved a new category: 'privileged people upset about accountability.'"

When asked about their comparison to communist regimes, Professor Lawson paused. "In actual communist oppression, people disappeared for holding press conferences criticizing the state. These parents are planning a parade. The irony is so thick you could cut it with their proposed flag."

Press Conference Aftermath

When asked for final comments, Grandma Eileen declared, "We have a voice, and we need to be heard!"

The voice, sources confirm, has been heard continuously on social media platforms, in rented conference rooms, and through flag committee meetings, suggesting the oppression may be less comprehensive than initially claimed.

The flag committee meets Tuesdays at 7 PM via Zoom. Bring your own persecution complex.

Reporting contributed by staff writers who definitely did not expect to cover a flag committee meeting when they got into journalism.

The Marriott has confirmed the conference room is available for next month's "Taking Back the Letter U" summit. There will be cookies.

This article is brought to you by the letters F and U, and the numbers 4 and 20. We also want to give a very important shout-out to the Colors Blue and Pink.